Getting a Girlfriend

You may think you smell okay, alright or satisfactory. If you ask anyone else, you’re not likely to get an honest answer. For example, my brother has a habit of saying a smell like shit, all the time. Your mum would likely have a habit of saying you smell okay all the time. You don’t know who to believe. That means you need to do what you can to make sure you don’t smell like a goat or a hamster cage. I’m not talking cologne or AXE or anything like that, I’m talking about, back-to-the-basics-don’t-smell-like-body-odor.

If you’re the lazy type (I’ll admit it, I am) then you’ll have to decide whether you want to be lazy and lonely, or be in some sort of man + woman relationship in real life.

Your clothes. Wash them. You may be lazy, or have no idea how to press the On button on a washer and dryer, but you need to do this. Make sure you think your detergent smells good and follow the directions. Last thing you want is your “LEVEL 70 PALADIN” shirt to turn pink because you put your red undies in the same batch.

Get right in there, scrub. Orifices and all. Belly buttons, between the toes, behind your ears. Clean that grossness up. TIP OUT OF NOWHERE: I have a specific cloth for my nut sack so I don’t end up doing that part last in the shower, only to have it all over my face the next day.

Use soap and shampoo, every time. If you’re deciding that you don’t have enough time in the morning to wash your hair sometimes, that’s fine, but don’t start wondering why women won’t get within arm’s reach.

Brush Your Teeth well. You don’t want to talk to a girl and have last night’s Doritos fly all over her white shirt. Damn, that’s disgusting just thinking of it.

Deoderant or Anti-Perspirant. This doesn’t need to be strong, but it needs to smell good. If you really have a sweating problem, go with the anti-perspirant. There’s information floating around that says the Aluminum in anti-perspirant is cancerous. That’s nice, but I’d rather have a phallace(?) that’s been in the opposite gender and die of cancer then to have a phallace(?) restricted to my own palm and die of something else.

Go get ‘em champ.